we are who we are

I'm angry with myself after reading the title that I just typed. Of course we are who we are. There's no need to tell that to everyone.

Being on a holiday as I just finished my study, enables me to look back and realize something that's quite important in helping me to make choices and how to deal with stuffs in the future.

we believe in what we want to believe.
Seriously, there was a friend who think that I did something bad and though I have had explained to him that I didn't do it, he still believed that I did it. In this case, don't worry and just let him be. Don't let what others believe affect us in a negative way. And we our self should be careful and rational in choosing in what to believe in.

we feel what we want to feel.
You will be happy if you want to. And you can be sad if you want to too. Seriously. it's like choosing what movie to watch or what song you want to listen to. Choose to be happy instead and choose not to be sad for too long.

how we react to stuffs determines our beings.
Having similar problems in the university, I can see how my friends reacted to them. And the way how each of them reacted determines how they gonna feel later. If one chose to be happy and reacted to it positively then he'll be happy, no matter what the outcomes would be. And of course there was someone who dreaded about it every seconds, busy complaining, busy hating and it affected her own self, she ended depressed which was the result of her own action.

we choose what we want to be.
Yes we can choose to be a happy person that light up people around us or we can also be a mood spoiler. We heard people saying "oh why is he/she leaving me, why? why?" and blaming that person for something that without realizing it, is partly our fault. Have we given that person good reasons to stay with us? We might as well just blame our self.

So to dearest reader (if there any haha) and to me, choose to be happy instead, if we can't change what happened we can always choose how to react to it in a way that benefits us. And having said that, lets laugh at the title instead of angry with it haha.

crossing the finish line.

The much awaited time of.. my entire life maybe? is finally arrived. I've finished my medical study a week ago. Now I have 2 more days left before going back to Malaysia for good.

I feel very much relieved after all these years of stressful works, exams, not to mention complicated immigration stuffs and financial problems but I've done it all! it's time to say bye bye.

But this week I feel quite sad, almost everything I see around me makes me realize that I'm gonna miss them. I've lived here for 5 years and a half, that's definitely quite a long time. Lots of places I have been to and lots of things have happened to me here.

Now I realize there's gonna be a lot of things I'm gonna miss. Honestly I feel quite sad now as I type. I woke up this morning and immediately thought 'how many days left? Is today gonna be the last day I'm here?

During my 5 years and a half here, I learn about freedom, friendship, self dependency, trust and having fun. yeah really! I also got the chance to see my country from the outside, far from those biased government controlled media in Malaysia, I got to meet new people, to understand their feelings, cultures and what they really think. Oh, also learned about hardship ones has to go through in their life and all the inequalities in the world. Looking at children begging/working is the most difficult and heart wrenching.

the most precious that I'm gonna miss forever are friends. It is here that I know how a friendship can help you to live in this world, how they ease your hardship, or how much fun they add into your life!

time, move faster!

Currently I'm in ObGyn Department which is the last department for the clinical cycle that I have to complete. Since it's the last one, one should be happy thinking about the prospect that the long 5year+ study is coming to an end.

Somehow as day goes by everyday, I feel like time is moving too slow even though 1 month and two weeks is all it takes to reach the finish line.

Reading my previous post, obviously I was quite stressed out with the endless oncalls, exams, papers and being the servant for the residents. I just want all this to end, and get paid for what I'm doing! haha

So I started counting down and hoping time to move faster!

But two nights ago I had a dream in which I was holding a baby, my baby, and saying 'how times flies' and thinking in disbelieve. The alarm clock rang and I was back to reality.

Man, I'm glad that I still here, in 2011. I should stop asking to forward time to the future but cherish every minute and second I'm having right now instead. Those times will come, but the now, it's passing by, leaving us. With no chance of getting back to it.

I will finish my study on 14th January 2012. Insyaallah. yay!


from my album: sunset at Danau Toba.

feeling blue.

I don't know what is happening to me right now, I'm kind of feeling blue. I'm a happy person for most of the time, sometimes it shows and sometimes it's within. But now it's neither.

I think without me knowing it, I'm a bit stressed. I think I'm too tired. I just want a long holiday. Without having anything much to worry about. I want all these things that I have to go through everyday to stop. I'm exhausted of worrying too much.

I want all these to end. Maybe I just want to have somebody here that I can talk to, more than the regular what's-going-ons, about something else, that even me don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just lonely.

Maybe seeing sick people everyday is depressing. Having someone else to control your life is annoying. Having lots of thing you have to know is worrying. Having exams now and then is tiring.

Maybe seeing how unfair the world is adding more stress. Maybe I should stop thinking too much, though it happens everyday in front of my eyes. Maybe I should just have faith in God. Maybe I should try to.

I'm hoping that this phase of my life to end soon. It's been too many years. It's not that life here is too miserable or what. It's just that.. sigh!

The only things that make me happy right now are The big bang theory and How I met your mother. They make me forget what's happening for awhile and make me laugh.

I'm gonna regret writing this. haha.

smoking is idiotic

The first thing that disappoints me when I first got here in 2006 was the fact that there are quite a number of medical students who smoke cigarettes. Some of them smoke openly in the no-smoking area like inside campus.

Not only locals, Malaysian students also seem like enjoying the 'opportunity' given as many of them are smokers, some have just picked up the habit here.

Not only that cigarettes are available almost everywhere, these young smokers are also influenced socially plus with the fact that big tobacco companies are still allowed to advertise their products widely here.

I really think that those young people born in the late 20th century, growing up and living with a well known fact that smoking scientifically proven to be fatal, are totally idiot to be smoking. There are also massive campaigns warning about the danger of smoking. Yet they let themselves addicted to the nicotine that comes with other carcinogenic substances.

Smoking is forbidden in Islam. Off course those addicted to it will come up with many excuses to justify their 'harmless' or 'beneficial' habit.

What happened to me earlier today triggered me to write this. I was in a air-conditioned room with several people smoking in it. I felt like a guinea pig, put in a closed box filled with cigarette's smoke to see the how many ways I can die. I'm not exaggerating.

If you still choose to be a smoker, please at least think about others who are not, have some considerations and ethical values.

"Do no harm, yourself or others"- Prophet Muhammad pbuh.

use condom to prevent pregnancy, idiot.

It is really really really disturbing to read the news about baby dumping now and then. These 'unwanted' babies not only dumped into trash bins, left at the mosque, by the road side or in the toilet or any other unthinkable places, but also some of them killed unintentionally. Or intentionally! gosh. It really has come to the limit. That is too much.



But sadly, ironically, or stupidly our self-righteous community still in a state of denial. Most of us cry foul every time such heart-wrenching things make the news. Not to mention those which didn't make it to the news and remained unknown.

This is what happen when we let those not wanting to have babies, to get pregnant and give birth. It's that simple.

The questions that are worth to look into are: why are they committing unlawful pre-marital sex, why the unprotected one, why not resort to legal abortion, and why can't they just let the babies being taken care of and live?

Some of us might blame them, the ones who did it. But it's obviously not totally their fault, but ours! No thanks to the hardship ones have to go through to get married, the complicated and expensive wedding, and the stigma that young unwed mothers have to face.

I said earlier that we are in denial because some of us won't admit that the usage and promotion of protections e.g. condoms can reduce the number drastically. Compare Malaysia with any western country. Those countries openly allow free sex and we say it is a bad western culture. But with cases of baby-dumping on the rise, what kind of better culture we have here? From this comparison we can see that the aetiology of this epidemic is not from the so called free sex itself but the ignorance that wearing protection and practising safe sex cam cure this 'disease'.

Our self-conscious friends and family worry so much that condom will promote free sex, which they worry so much about, apparently more than the fact that many innocent lives being dumped and some even murdered by those heartless murderer!

it's a relieved that there are some quarters aware of this fact and also pushing for the promotion of the usage of condom although some are against it.

So dear friends, I think it's about time to put our idiocy aside and remind each other to wear protection to prevent the unwanted pregnancy. Yeah, there must be other solutions to tackle this as most of us think but to ignore this one is moronic.

Prevention is better than cure.

that rainy sunday morning.

I woke up early yesterday on that rainy Sunday morning , 16th Oct 2011. I have no alarm (or phone equipped with alarm) so I depend on my biological clock to wake up every morning for the past several months.

after done getting ready for hospital, I stood outside of the door looking at the rain and thinking how was I suppose to go to the hospital. I tweeted:



I couldn't call taxi, rp10,000 was all in have in my wallet. I have some friends who had to go to the hospital too but they're going with bike so I didn't think I should trouble them. I decided to walk and wait for angkot, just outside of my residence area.

I had already walked halfway out when I noticed that my pants got so dirty. No thanks to the Japanese slipper that I was wearing and to that wet watery road. I turned and walked back home, changed my pants, put extra pants for change later and wore a shoe instead.

I waited for angkot no. 24 by the road side. Thank God the rain wasn't that heavy but still I went to a nearby shop selling fresh chicken for some shelter. it was a mistake. other than its super strong foul smell, I also happened to stand on soil with chicken poops everywhere on it. Few minutes later the angkot arrived and took me to jalan setia budi, where I had to change to angkot no. 62 to take me to the adam malik hospital.

I yelled (yes you have to yell) "pinggir pak" to stop the angkot. It didn't take long for me to realise that I left my wallet. it's in my dirty pants that I wore earlier at home. shit! hoping that I have some rupiahs in my bag to pay for the angkot, I searched my bags. Embarrassingly I dropped some of my stuffs on the road, like my toothbrush! No, I had no rupiah at all. The bapak just drove the angkot away disappointed. sorry pak!

then there I was. alone stranded. on a not so beautiful Sunday morning. penniless. and late for hospital. I texted some of my friends for help but to no respond. well, post Saturday night, with rainy cold Sunday morning, pretty sure they're still in deep sleep under their warm cosy blanket.

then I got a crazy idea. All I need was rp3000 to get me to Adam Malik Hospital. there were some people waiting for the angkot, a shop selling mie balap for breakfast and a shop selling cleaning stuffs like broom and mop, which apparently opened on Sunday.

I couldn't believe with what I had in mind. Asking people for rp3000? haha. Are they gonna believe me. and it's gonna be very embarrassing surely. I decided to try my luck at the mie balap shop but then I guessed, the few customers they have waiting for the food won't make it any easier for me. I turned to the broom shop instead and took a deep breath. it took me quite a few minutes and finally I forced myself into the shop.

Mama Trisno, as I know her name later looked at me in kind of disbelief look and told me to wait as she called her husband. I waited for few minutes and later she came out and hand me rp3000. I was so grateful and thanking her unstopping. Some part of me was in disbelieve as to how easy it was.

then I got into the angkot 62, grateful. later I got some reply texts from my friends, but by then I managed to handle it myself already. yay.

p/s: deep in me, I'm really angry with myself for always being too careless. I lost my ID cards for several times, my phones too, I went to the wrong airport a month a go and now this? sigh.

anyway, Thank you Mama Trisna!!

let's pledge to donate our organs!

some times around a year ago I signed up as an organ donor. I did it online, after reading a news about several critically ill patients waiting for organ transplant in a hospital in our country. the story has really touched me as many of the patients are still young, just started working and most of them are the breadwinner of their family. since the number of organ being donated is not much, many of these patients are kept waiting until their final breath.



my mother knew about this when the ID donor card was mailed to my house. on the phone she made it quite clear that she did not really approved of this. while I totally understood her worry, I explained to her my intention of helping the needy fellow human beings and that such act would not do me, or my dead body in this case, any harm.

from the religion point of view, this organ donation is totally permitted. In the Malaysian Society of Transplantation Society web site, it is said that National Fatwa Committee meeting on June 23 and 24 in 1970, assisted by a panel of medical experts, made the decision to allow organ transplantation based on acceptable juridical principles.



quoting from the article "Islam considers a disease as a natural phenomenon. However man should seek remedy, Allah, who causes ailments, also brings cure and redemption. Muslims are therefore encouraged to search for new modes of treatment and should apply them if proved successful."

I also have came across this one blog, saifulislam.com in which the writer explains it in a more refreshing and beautiful way. it's a really good post that I think everybody should read it.



so dearest friends, lets pledge as a donor, lets do this, lets help somebody to have their life back, to work for their family and lessen their sufferings, after we no longer need the organs.

I think it is not really something that is so hard to do as we are already gone, dead. we really don't need them anymore. it's just like donating out stuffs such as clothes that we no longer need. right?

so if you are interested, you can sign up at the National transplant resource center web site here. if you're in malaysia, you can also buy the form with only 60cents at the post office.

should we boycott mcD?

I'm going to blog about why I’m boycotting mcD and why you too should do the same.

I’ve been boycotting mcD for 1 month and this is my second attempt. The first time I boycotted mcD because during that time there was an intensive campaign in Malaysia urging everyone to do that, even our beloved ex-Pm Tun Dr Mahathir asking us to boycott the states products. But I wasn’t consistent and as time flew I gave up and started eating again as the campaigns slowed down and finally not heard-of anymore.

I admit this is not something easy to do because I love mcD so much. I used to eat mcD burgers or fries or ice cream at least once in two days. But now I’m starting to do this again, boycotting them. Because I think this is the least I can do to help our brothers in Palestine.

Quoting as what written in Vivapalestina, according to website of the Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago, McDonald's Corporation is a major corporate partner of the Jewish United Fund(JUF). JUF "works to maintain American military, economic and diplomatic support for Israel; monitors and, when necessary, responds to counter negative media coverage of Israel".

In the site also said: It provides financial aid annually to help the development of Kiryat Gat and to promote further illegal settlements there. This city is built on stolen Palestinian land - the lands of the villages of Iraq al Manshiya and Al-Faluja whose residents were ethnically cleansed in 1949 in contravention of International Law.

Reading this makes me decide to not buying mcD food again. I don’t want to contribute even one cent to a company that clearly has violated international law and human right. Imagine if it is our land that was taken.

For further reading visit this site: http://vivapalestina-my.org/



But I think it isn’t fair if we only listen to one side of the story. Hence I visited mcD malaysia website and I found this:



so what do you think. should we boycott mcD?

selamat hari raya!

I just broke my last fast for this year's Ramadan. While some parts of me feeling sad for leaving Ramadan behind, a bigger part of me feeling happy that now, it is the 1st of month Syawal. it's time to rejoice and be happy, wear something nice, spray some perfume, decorate house beautifully, cook nice dishes and most importantly asking for forgiveness between us friends and families and put any bad feelings/things behind.

Though I'm celebrating this eid away from family, I'm thankful that I still able to keep in touch with them easily and that I have friends to celebrate with here in Medan, Indonesia.

I'm taking this opportunity to wish every Muslims wherever you are a very happy aidilfitri. please forgive me if there are any misdeeds or acts that might hurt you or make you angry. God bless ya!




الله اكبرالله اكبرالله اكبر

learning to live life

Man! I missed my blog so much. The last time I posted something here was on March when I was just started my clinical rotation at the hospital for a month.

Now I’m rotating at the psychiatric department. Currently in week two. I’ve done my rotations at dermatology and venereology, radiology, pulmunology and also paediatrics. Unfortunately I failed at dermatology and venereology haha. I’ve got to repeat my rotation at the department later.

Time passes so quickly. Now it’s august already! I can say there are times when I was happy, sad, a bit depressed, ups and downs. But that’s okay!! I’ve learned a lot about life. And how to live life. My journey is still long. There were times I’m so disappointed with my self. But I was able to cope with it and tried to be better despite all those negative hindrances that kept coming (especially from me myself haha).

I wanted to write about my girlfriend actually. But I’ll write about it later. It’s kinda late already. I have to hit the bed now. And since it is Ramadhan, I want to wish all muslims wherever you are a very happy and blessed ramadhan. Happy fasting!

first week of internship

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It’s Sunday and my first week of placement at cardiology department Adam Malik Hospital Medan has just ended. I’m so glad that I got no on-call today and that I can simply wake up close to noon and just staying home, surfing the internet and eat all day long.

The internship was really tiring, exciting, sad, and boring at the same time haha.

Tiring that I have to wake up so early and be at the hospital before 7 o’clock everyday. And there are on-calls, be it the evening shift or night shift till next morning and be in the hospital for so long hour!

And I’m always hungry cause m not sure when to eat and the fact that I cannot leave the department for too long. Plus the food at the hospital is not really nice haha. And quite expensive for me.

And it is exciting because I have learned a lot of things. It is really easier to learn it hands-on and to see how it’s being applied right away. And all the doctors are really helpful. And the chance to come close to patients is really a good thing and I love it.

And it’s really sad sometimes to see all the sufferings. Sometimes I think I'm quite depressed but I’ll learn to handle it. And I’m so happy if some is okay and leaving the ward to go home.

At certain time, it is kind of boring to stand at the hallway at the ward to wait for visits by the specialist to the ward. Normally I’ll be reading something but I’m just too tired.

And the best thing to do at home is to sleep! But all those faces of patients admitted to the hospital keep staying in my mind and I’ll always be praying that they will be okay soon.

wisuda (convocation)

Last month, two big things happened in my life. We medical students at Universitas Sumatera Utara (USU) took the doctor’s Hippocrates oath and also graduated as young doctors. We received the sarjana kedokteran equal to medical degree. Unlike Malaysia, here we have two graduations. The first one as we just received will enable us to be ‘young’ doctors and to do our clinical course in local hospitals. This hands-on training is really an important part of our study. Later at the end of this course then we will be graduated again as a real doctor.


me, left and my housemate fauzan.

I’m so scared.. I think I’m not ready yet... There are still lots of thing I don’t know. Since I still got some times before actually start the internship, I will study and do revisions as much as I can. I don’t want to look like an idiot in front of other doctors and patients. And I want to be as helpful as possible to help the patients. And I really hope I can start studying as soon as possible! And stop being lazy much. Haha Work hard uda!!


my friends and i, jumping at the back hahah


took a photo at the flower decorated board congratulating Malaysian students.

moved to a new house.

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I am at our new house by the time I’m writing this post. We moved here, at Tanjung Sari, Medan for almost a month already. I kind of like this house very much. It’s a two-story house with 4 rooms, enough for each of us to get one each. Quite far from the Medan city centre but very close to ring road, an area booming with economic activities where new restaurants and marts are mushrooming. and it's also the cheapest house we've ever rented so far!

The first time when we arrived here (in Indonesia), we stayed in rented rooms or called kost by the locals. But staying there was not really easy since we have to respect the owner’s regulations (e.g. no noise allowed), difficult to cook and do social activities (haha), and also had to be home before certain time.

Then later we moved to a house very close to our faculty. It was quite expensive but we didn’t mind considering the location and money was not really a big issue then. =p

A year later, we decided to move again to a cheaper house and we did. It was more like a shop house, four stories and further away compare to the previous house. But wasn’t too far since I was still able to cycle to the campus everyday. but the area was really dusty. I mean REALLY dusty. We couldn’t cope with it and decided to move again after staying there for almost a year. Oh, and another thing, the water bill for two months was Rp2000000 equal to RM800! C-R-A-Z-Y

So here we are… at a new house. The place is really calm, and clean too. Lots of shop nearby, accessible with a better road quality (compare to other area), easier to go to Adam Malik Hospital and very close to mcD =p

Hopefully this house will be just fine… (will not gonna stay home much anyway once the internship started)

But so far…. Lots of mosquitoes!!

being alone again, but that's alright.

-->It’s semester break. All my closest friends are already went back home right now, to their hometown in Malaysia. Except me. I stay here. I do not go back because… I don’t think I have enough money to spend on the flight ticket and to pay for the expensive immigration thingy. Plus the holiday is not that long. Only for two weeks. So I decided not to go back.

Afiq was the last one to go back to Malaysia. I started to be alone after he went back last week. All my other friends have already gone back earlier. Me and Afiq we always have certain issue which sometimes put us in a… not-so-cool situation. We used to be very close before those ‘issues’ came up. I’m not going to babble about this in here. But I’m glad now since things since have been worked out a bit now. Or, maybe I’m just happy because with him, it’s always easier to go simply anywhere compare with people who always have reasons to not to-do or not to-go. We went the beach one day before he gone back. I love beach. And the view. And the breeze. Everything.

Now, here I am. Alone in my house. Like the previous times when I was alone during the holiday, the early part was the hardest. But as times goes… I’ll get used to it. And later enjoyed it. Enjoyed being alone and that I can spend all the time just by myself and for my self.

Somehow, this is the first time that I am completely alone as there are no more cats around. They were such great companion and friends. I remember.



But it is okay. Now, unlike those times, I have my computer with me. It is not that quiet anymore. And I can watch some movies to keep me sane. Or write some nonsense like I do now without having to go to the internet café.

disappoinment.

--> I will be entering a full clinical course next year. I’m so worried. I know that I’m not fully ready for that. There are so many things that I must know but I don’t. Thinking about this really worries me. I just hope that everything will goes well for me.

Looking back at those 3 years that I have spent here on theory, I am disappointed with my performance. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t be as good as I hope. I think that wasn’t my very best. I can do better than that. But it’s too late now. To mourn or complaining too much about things that I can’t change.

Anyway, I’m glad that my research is done and I passed. Even though I faced a lot of problems and hindrances. Even though I’ve been attacked with lots of question on the seminar day, my research, ‘pregnancy and its risk of being diagnosed in later clinical and histopathologic stage in breast cancer patients in H. Adam Malik hospital Medan: a cross sectional study, is accepted.

I passed all the exams too. But, to be honest I feel sad with my performance as the results are just enough to passed me… all I got are C C C or C+. Sigh.

Dear reader, if there’s any, please pray for me. So that everything will be just fine during the hospital training soon.

about last raya

It was the best aidilfitri I’ve ever had. May be because hadn’t really celebrating it for quite a while. It was so much fun.

I was lucky. Some of my friends, Syaza, Naim and Jalal were also on the boat on the way to Penang. The journey took more than six hours. From Penang, I took a bus to go to Taiping where my parents will fetch me up to take me home.

It was early in the morning when I left my house in Medan which later I took a bus from Medan to Belawan port before I got in the boat. I arrived home in Lenggong, in the state of Perak at midnight.

I helped my father with his kuih/cake selling at the Ramadan bazaar. I really missed doing that for a very long time. And I did some raya shopping, played some firecrackers, and helped my mother made some raya delicacies.


My mother’s birthday on 1st of Syawal.

Then it came the raya day. It was really a busy day. Started with some children coming in groups then later families of relative coming endlessly till night. I was really exhausted but it was worth the fun.


Visited our late grandparents after eid prayer.


 With my father.


 With my mother.

On second day, I went out with friends all day long. We visited all of our friends’ houses. Until night, it was more than ten houses we visited. Glad to see old friends and how much they’ve changed. Most of them are already working.


With friends.

Third day, I hanged out with my family. We visited our relatives’ houses.

The holiday was short. I went back to Indonesia after I renewed my passport. Also by boat travelling across the straits of melaka. This time I was alone. Unfortunately it took more than ten hours on the sea. I’m quite sure; it will be my last time to be on a ferry ride.

raya holiday!

I will be going back to Malaysia for raya holiday in ten days, on 17th of august to be exact.

To be honest I did not really have any plan for this. Even though ever since I started studying here in Indonesia, never have I went back home for raya. But this time it will be different. After celebrated raya (wasn’t really celebrating in here haha) for three times in the row, finally this year, I’m heading for my hometown.

I’ve told my mother that I’m coming back home this raya, but it seems like she wasn’t really excited about it. Haha.

Actually I’m kind of ‘have to’ go back since I have been told by the immigration department here to renew my passport as soon as I can.

My passport will expires on august 2011 but since I’m renewing my KITTAS or temporary residence card for another two year, the expiry date is not in the ‘save’ range haha. So I need to renew my passport.

And the nearest holiday is this coming raya holiday. Yeay. Finally I’m going back for raya! Yeay.

I am so glad. I missed celebrating raya in my hometown so much. I missed all those raya delicacies, raya songs, and exciting TV programs. Even though I don’t really enjoy visiting relatives much haha.


I’ll be going back by ferry (or more like a speed boat I think) from Belawan to Penang which will takes 5-6 hours. And I don’t mind. It’s the cheapest. Hahaha.

no driving licence

I am as old as 23 years old but yet I’m still cannot drive a car. I don’t know how to drive, never really got the chance to learn how to drive, and off course I don’t have a driving licence.

If you ask me one thing in my life that I’m not so happy about is this.

And sometimes I feel like I am not a normal person. Or simply feel like I am not even a human if we look at the definition of what human is by what they or majority of them are doing.

Thinking why I am like this, I always blaming all those hindrances such as money, availability of a car to learn to drive or time constrains.

But how come everybody else could do it except me. Why.

That’s the reason why I said that I am no human. And I am 23 years old for God sake.

new topic for my research?

Now I’m busy working on the new research proposal. Sigh!

Few days ago I went to the hospital to proceed with my intended research titled pregnancy and the risk of breast cancer in women in one of the hospital in Medan. Unfortunately when I was just an inch from getting the medical records needed, the consultant suggested that I change my research. This means I have to change everything that I’ve done or simply do it all over again.

He said that the outcome would not going to be like what I expected, that pregnancy lowers the risk of breast cancer, because there are a lot of others factor affected the possibility getting the lethal disease. My interest is only to study the relationship of those two things. But since the medical records available are not that many, and to exclude other factors that might have caused the disease is impossible, I agreed to think about his suggestion and later I met my tutor and a CRP lecture. They allowed me to change my topic.

I am confused. Thinking about whether I should stick with my previous title or go ahead with a new one.

Still thinking about this. I already began doing the literature review for the new proposal.

The consultant is really knowledgeable, and I won’t let go the chance of working with him. But, the main problem is time constraint!! With the classes, practicals and exams and also the clinical semester starting next year and I am so not ready for it. Argh!!