time, move faster!

Currently I'm in ObGyn Department which is the last department for the clinical cycle that I have to complete. Since it's the last one, one should be happy thinking about the prospect that the long 5year+ study is coming to an end.

Somehow as day goes by everyday, I feel like time is moving too slow even though 1 month and two weeks is all it takes to reach the finish line.

Reading my previous post, obviously I was quite stressed out with the endless oncalls, exams, papers and being the servant for the residents. I just want all this to end, and get paid for what I'm doing! haha

So I started counting down and hoping time to move faster!

But two nights ago I had a dream in which I was holding a baby, my baby, and saying 'how times flies' and thinking in disbelieve. The alarm clock rang and I was back to reality.

Man, I'm glad that I still here, in 2011. I should stop asking to forward time to the future but cherish every minute and second I'm having right now instead. Those times will come, but the now, it's passing by, leaving us. With no chance of getting back to it.

I will finish my study on 14th January 2012. Insyaallah. yay!


from my album: sunset at Danau Toba.

feeling blue.

I don't know what is happening to me right now, I'm kind of feeling blue. I'm a happy person for most of the time, sometimes it shows and sometimes it's within. But now it's neither.

I think without me knowing it, I'm a bit stressed. I think I'm too tired. I just want a long holiday. Without having anything much to worry about. I want all these things that I have to go through everyday to stop. I'm exhausted of worrying too much.

I want all these to end. Maybe I just want to have somebody here that I can talk to, more than the regular what's-going-ons, about something else, that even me don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just lonely.

Maybe seeing sick people everyday is depressing. Having someone else to control your life is annoying. Having lots of thing you have to know is worrying. Having exams now and then is tiring.

Maybe seeing how unfair the world is adding more stress. Maybe I should stop thinking too much, though it happens everyday in front of my eyes. Maybe I should just have faith in God. Maybe I should try to.

I'm hoping that this phase of my life to end soon. It's been too many years. It's not that life here is too miserable or what. It's just that.. sigh!

The only things that make me happy right now are The big bang theory and How I met your mother. They make me forget what's happening for awhile and make me laugh.

I'm gonna regret writing this. haha.

smoking is idiotic

The first thing that disappoints me when I first got here in 2006 was the fact that there are quite a number of medical students who smoke cigarettes. Some of them smoke openly in the no-smoking area like inside campus.

Not only locals, Malaysian students also seem like enjoying the 'opportunity' given as many of them are smokers, some have just picked up the habit here.

Not only that cigarettes are available almost everywhere, these young smokers are also influenced socially plus with the fact that big tobacco companies are still allowed to advertise their products widely here.

I really think that those young people born in the late 20th century, growing up and living with a well known fact that smoking scientifically proven to be fatal, are totally idiot to be smoking. There are also massive campaigns warning about the danger of smoking. Yet they let themselves addicted to the nicotine that comes with other carcinogenic substances.

Smoking is forbidden in Islam. Off course those addicted to it will come up with many excuses to justify their 'harmless' or 'beneficial' habit.

What happened to me earlier today triggered me to write this. I was in a air-conditioned room with several people smoking in it. I felt like a guinea pig, put in a closed box filled with cigarette's smoke to see the how many ways I can die. I'm not exaggerating.

If you still choose to be a smoker, please at least think about others who are not, have some considerations and ethical values.

"Do no harm, yourself or others"- Prophet Muhammad pbuh.

use condom to prevent pregnancy, idiot.

It is really really really disturbing to read the news about baby dumping now and then. These 'unwanted' babies not only dumped into trash bins, left at the mosque, by the road side or in the toilet or any other unthinkable places, but also some of them killed unintentionally. Or intentionally! gosh. It really has come to the limit. That is too much.



But sadly, ironically, or stupidly our self-righteous community still in a state of denial. Most of us cry foul every time such heart-wrenching things make the news. Not to mention those which didn't make it to the news and remained unknown.

This is what happen when we let those not wanting to have babies, to get pregnant and give birth. It's that simple.

The questions that are worth to look into are: why are they committing unlawful pre-marital sex, why the unprotected one, why not resort to legal abortion, and why can't they just let the babies being taken care of and live?

Some of us might blame them, the ones who did it. But it's obviously not totally their fault, but ours! No thanks to the hardship ones have to go through to get married, the complicated and expensive wedding, and the stigma that young unwed mothers have to face.

I said earlier that we are in denial because some of us won't admit that the usage and promotion of protections e.g. condoms can reduce the number drastically. Compare Malaysia with any western country. Those countries openly allow free sex and we say it is a bad western culture. But with cases of baby-dumping on the rise, what kind of better culture we have here? From this comparison we can see that the aetiology of this epidemic is not from the so called free sex itself but the ignorance that wearing protection and practising safe sex cam cure this 'disease'.

Our self-conscious friends and family worry so much that condom will promote free sex, which they worry so much about, apparently more than the fact that many innocent lives being dumped and some even murdered by those heartless murderer!

it's a relieved that there are some quarters aware of this fact and also pushing for the promotion of the usage of condom although some are against it.

So dear friends, I think it's about time to put our idiocy aside and remind each other to wear protection to prevent the unwanted pregnancy. Yeah, there must be other solutions to tackle this as most of us think but to ignore this one is moronic.

Prevention is better than cure.

that rainy sunday morning.

I woke up early yesterday on that rainy Sunday morning , 16th Oct 2011. I have no alarm (or phone equipped with alarm) so I depend on my biological clock to wake up every morning for the past several months.

after done getting ready for hospital, I stood outside of the door looking at the rain and thinking how was I suppose to go to the hospital. I tweeted:



I couldn't call taxi, rp10,000 was all in have in my wallet. I have some friends who had to go to the hospital too but they're going with bike so I didn't think I should trouble them. I decided to walk and wait for angkot, just outside of my residence area.

I had already walked halfway out when I noticed that my pants got so dirty. No thanks to the Japanese slipper that I was wearing and to that wet watery road. I turned and walked back home, changed my pants, put extra pants for change later and wore a shoe instead.

I waited for angkot no. 24 by the road side. Thank God the rain wasn't that heavy but still I went to a nearby shop selling fresh chicken for some shelter. it was a mistake. other than its super strong foul smell, I also happened to stand on soil with chicken poops everywhere on it. Few minutes later the angkot arrived and took me to jalan setia budi, where I had to change to angkot no. 62 to take me to the adam malik hospital.

I yelled (yes you have to yell) "pinggir pak" to stop the angkot. It didn't take long for me to realise that I left my wallet. it's in my dirty pants that I wore earlier at home. shit! hoping that I have some rupiahs in my bag to pay for the angkot, I searched my bags. Embarrassingly I dropped some of my stuffs on the road, like my toothbrush! No, I had no rupiah at all. The bapak just drove the angkot away disappointed. sorry pak!

then there I was. alone stranded. on a not so beautiful Sunday morning. penniless. and late for hospital. I texted some of my friends for help but to no respond. well, post Saturday night, with rainy cold Sunday morning, pretty sure they're still in deep sleep under their warm cosy blanket.

then I got a crazy idea. All I need was rp3000 to get me to Adam Malik Hospital. there were some people waiting for the angkot, a shop selling mie balap for breakfast and a shop selling cleaning stuffs like broom and mop, which apparently opened on Sunday.

I couldn't believe with what I had in mind. Asking people for rp3000? haha. Are they gonna believe me. and it's gonna be very embarrassing surely. I decided to try my luck at the mie balap shop but then I guessed, the few customers they have waiting for the food won't make it any easier for me. I turned to the broom shop instead and took a deep breath. it took me quite a few minutes and finally I forced myself into the shop.

Mama Trisno, as I know her name later looked at me in kind of disbelief look and told me to wait as she called her husband. I waited for few minutes and later she came out and hand me rp3000. I was so grateful and thanking her unstopping. Some part of me was in disbelieve as to how easy it was.

then I got into the angkot 62, grateful. later I got some reply texts from my friends, but by then I managed to handle it myself already. yay.

p/s: deep in me, I'm really angry with myself for always being too careless. I lost my ID cards for several times, my phones too, I went to the wrong airport a month a go and now this? sigh.

anyway, Thank you Mama Trisna!!

let's pledge to donate our organs!

some times around a year ago I signed up as an organ donor. I did it online, after reading a news about several critically ill patients waiting for organ transplant in a hospital in our country. the story has really touched me as many of the patients are still young, just started working and most of them are the breadwinner of their family. since the number of organ being donated is not much, many of these patients are kept waiting until their final breath.



my mother knew about this when the ID donor card was mailed to my house. on the phone she made it quite clear that she did not really approved of this. while I totally understood her worry, I explained to her my intention of helping the needy fellow human beings and that such act would not do me, or my dead body in this case, any harm.

from the religion point of view, this organ donation is totally permitted. In the Malaysian Society of Transplantation Society web site, it is said that National Fatwa Committee meeting on June 23 and 24 in 1970, assisted by a panel of medical experts, made the decision to allow organ transplantation based on acceptable juridical principles.



quoting from the article "Islam considers a disease as a natural phenomenon. However man should seek remedy, Allah, who causes ailments, also brings cure and redemption. Muslims are therefore encouraged to search for new modes of treatment and should apply them if proved successful."

I also have came across this one blog, saifulislam.com in which the writer explains it in a more refreshing and beautiful way. it's a really good post that I think everybody should read it.



so dearest friends, lets pledge as a donor, lets do this, lets help somebody to have their life back, to work for their family and lessen their sufferings, after we no longer need the organs.

I think it is not really something that is so hard to do as we are already gone, dead. we really don't need them anymore. it's just like donating out stuffs such as clothes that we no longer need. right?

so if you are interested, you can sign up at the National transplant resource center web site here. if you're in malaysia, you can also buy the form with only 60cents at the post office.