Currently I'm in ObGyn Department which is the last department for the clinical cycle that I have to complete. Since it's the last one, one should be happy thinking about the prospect that the long 5year+ study is coming to an end.
Somehow as day goes by everyday, I feel like time is moving too slow even though 1 month and two weeks is all it takes to reach the finish line.
Reading my previous post, obviously I was quite stressed out with the endless oncalls, exams, papers and being the servant for the residents. I just want all this to end, and get paid for what I'm doing! haha
So I started counting down and hoping time to move faster!
But two nights ago I had a dream in which I was holding a baby, my baby, and saying 'how times flies' and thinking in disbelieve. The alarm clock rang and I was back to reality.
Man, I'm glad that I still here, in 2011. I should stop asking to forward time to the future but cherish every minute and second I'm having right now instead. Those times will come, but the now, it's passing by, leaving us. With no chance of getting back to it.
I will finish my study on 14th January 2012. Insyaallah. yay!
I don't know what is happening to me right now, I'm kind of feeling blue. I'm a happy person for most of the time, sometimes it shows and sometimes it's within. But now it's neither.
I think without me knowing it, I'm a bit stressed. I think I'm too tired. I just want a long holiday. Without having anything much to worry about. I want all these things that I have to go through everyday to stop. I'm exhausted of worrying too much.
I want all these to end. Maybe I just want to have somebody here that I can talk to, more than the regular what's-going-ons, about something else, that even me don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe seeing sick people everyday is depressing. Having someone else to control your life is annoying. Having lots of thing you have to know is worrying. Having exams now and then is tiring.
Maybe seeing how unfair the world is adding more stress. Maybe I should stop thinking too much, though it happens everyday in front of my eyes. Maybe I should just have faith in God. Maybe I should try to.
I'm hoping that this phase of my life to end soon. It's been too many years. It's not that life here is too miserable or what. It's just that.. sigh!
The only things that make me happy right now are The big bang theory and How I met your mother. They make me forget what's happening for awhile and make me laugh.
The first thing that disappoints me when I first got here in 2006 was the fact that there are quite a number of medical students who smoke cigarettes. Some of them smoke openly in the no-smoking area like inside campus.
Not only locals, Malaysian students also seem like enjoying the 'opportunity' given as many of them are smokers, some have just picked up the habit here.
Not only that cigarettes are available almost everywhere, these young smokers are also influenced socially plus with the fact that big tobacco companies are still allowed to advertise their products widely here.
I really think that those young people born in the late 20th century, growing up and living with a well known fact that smoking scientifically proven to be fatal, are totally idiot to be smoking. There are also massive campaigns warning about the danger of smoking. Yet they let themselves addicted to the nicotine that comes with other carcinogenic substances.
Smoking is forbidden in Islam. Off course those addicted to it will come up with many excuses to justify their 'harmless' or 'beneficial' habit.
What happened to me earlier today triggered me to write this. I was in a air-conditioned room with several people smoking in it. I felt like a guinea pig, put in a closed box filled with cigarette's smoke to see the how many ways I can die. I'm not exaggerating.
If you still choose to be a smoker, please at least think about others who are not, have some considerations and ethical values.
"Do no harm, yourself or others"- Prophet Muhammad pbuh.
It is really really really disturbing to read the news about baby dumping now and then. These 'unwanted' babies not only dumped into trash bins, left at the mosque, by the road side or in the toilet or any other unthinkable places, but also some of them killed unintentionally. Or intentionally! gosh. It really has come to the limit. That is too much.
But sadly, ironically, or stupidly our self-righteous community still in a state of denial. Most of us cry foul every time such heart-wrenching things make the news. Not to mention those which didn't make it to the news and remained unknown.
This is what happen when we let those not wanting to have babies, to get pregnant and give birth. It's that simple.
The questions that are worth to look into are: why are they committing unlawful pre-marital sex, why the unprotected one, why not resort to legal abortion, and why can't they just let the babies being taken care of and live?
Some of us might blame them, the ones who did it. But it's obviously not totally their fault, but ours! No thanks to the hardship ones have to go through to get married, the complicated and expensive wedding, and the stigma that young unwed mothers have to face.
I said earlier that we are in denial because some of us won't admit that the usage and promotion of protections e.g. condoms can reduce the number drastically. Compare Malaysia with any western country. Those countries openly allow free sex and we say it is a bad western culture. But with cases of baby-dumping on the rise, what kind of better culture we have here? From this comparison we can see that the aetiology of this epidemic is not from the so called free sex itself but the ignorance that wearing protection and practising safe sex cam cure this 'disease'.
Our self-conscious friends and family worry so much that condom will promote free sex, which they worry so much about, apparently more than the fact that many innocent lives being dumped and some even murdered by those heartless murderer!
it's a relieved that there are some quarters aware of this fact and also pushing for the promotion of the usage of condom although some are against it.
So dear friends, I think it's about time to put our idiocy aside and remind each other to wear protection to prevent the unwanted pregnancy. Yeah, there must be other solutions to tackle this as most of us think but to ignore this one is moronic.
I woke up early yesterday on that rainy Sunday morning , 16th Oct 2011. I have no alarm (or phone equipped with alarm) so I depend on my biological clock to wake up every morning for the past several months.
after done getting ready for hospital, I stood outside of the door looking at the rain and thinking how was I suppose to go to the hospital. I tweeted:
I couldn't call taxi, rp10,000 was all in have in my wallet. I have some friends who had to go to the hospital too but they're going with bike so I didn't think I should trouble them. I decided to walk and wait for angkot, just outside of my residence area.
I had already walked halfway out when I noticed that my pants got so dirty. No thanks to the Japanese slipper that I was wearing and to that wet watery road. I turned and walked back home, changed my pants, put extra pants for change later and wore a shoe instead.
I waited for angkot no. 24 by the road side. Thank God the rain wasn't that heavy but still I went to a nearby shop selling fresh chicken for some shelter. it was a mistake. other than its super strong foul smell, I also happened to stand on soil with chicken poops everywhere on it. Few minutes later the angkot arrived and took me to jalan setia budi, where I had to change to angkot no. 62 to take me to the adam malik hospital.
I yelled (yes you have to yell) "pinggir pak" to stop the angkot. It didn't take long for me to realise that I left my wallet. it's in my dirty pants that I wore earlier at home. shit! hoping that I have some rupiahs in my bag to pay for the angkot, I searched my bags. Embarrassingly I dropped some of my stuffs on the road, like my toothbrush! No, I had no rupiah at all. The bapak just drove the angkot away disappointed. sorry pak!
then there I was. alone stranded. on a not so beautiful Sunday morning. penniless. and late for hospital. I texted some of my friends for help but to no respond. well, post Saturday night, with rainy cold Sunday morning, pretty sure they're still in deep sleep under their warm cosy blanket.
then I got a crazy idea. All I need was rp3000 to get me to Adam Malik Hospital. there were some people waiting for the angkot, a shop selling mie balap for breakfast and a shop selling cleaning stuffs like broom and mop, which apparently opened on Sunday.
I couldn't believe with what I had in mind. Asking people for rp3000? haha. Are they gonna believe me. and it's gonna be very embarrassing surely. I decided to try my luck at the mie balap shop but then I guessed, the few customers they have waiting for the food won't make it any easier for me. I turned to the broom shop instead and took a deep breath. it took me quite a few minutes and finally I forced myself into the shop.
Mama Trisno, as I know her name later looked at me in kind of disbelief look and told me to wait as she called her husband. I waited for few minutes and later she came out and hand me rp3000. I was so grateful and thanking her unstopping. Some part of me was in disbelieve as to how easy it was.
then I got into the angkot 62, grateful. later I got some reply texts from my friends, but by then I managed to handle it myself already. yay.
p/s: deep in me, I'm really angry with myself for always being too careless. I lost my ID cards for several times, my phones too, I went to the wrong airport a month a go and now this? sigh.
some times around a year ago I signed up as an organ donor. I did it online, after reading a news about several critically ill patients waiting for organ transplant in a hospital in our country. the story has really touched me as many of the patients are still young, just started working and most of them are the breadwinner of their family. since the number of organ being donated is not much, many of these patients are kept waiting until their final breath.
my mother knew about this when the ID donor card was mailed to my house. on the phone she made it quite clear that she did not really approved of this. while I totally understood her worry, I explained to her my intention of helping the needy fellow human beings and that such act would not do me, or my dead body in this case, any harm.
from the religion point of view, this organ donation is totally permitted. In the Malaysian Society of Transplantation Society web site, it is said that National Fatwa Committee meeting on June 23 and 24 in 1970, assisted by a panel of medical experts, made the decision to allow organ transplantation based on acceptable juridical principles.
quoting from the article "Islam considers a disease as a natural phenomenon. However man should seek remedy, Allah, who causes ailments, also brings cure and redemption. Muslims are therefore encouraged to search for new modes of treatment and should apply them if proved successful."
I also have came across this one blog, saifulislam.com in which the writer explains it in a more refreshing and beautiful way. it's a really good post that I think everybody should read it.
so dearest friends, lets pledge as a donor, lets do this, lets help somebody to have their life back, to work for their family and lessen their sufferings, after we no longer need the organs.
I think it is not really something that is so hard to do as we are already gone, dead. we really don't need them anymore. it's just like donating out stuffs such as clothes that we no longer need. right?
so if you are interested, you can sign up at the National transplant resource center web site here. if you're in malaysia, you can also buy the form with only 60cents at the post office.
it's raining heavily outside and I'm in the dark. No thanks to the blackout that happens very frequently nowadays.
I've blogged about how stressed I was due to this problem before in which I suggested that maybe they should allow a foreign expert to tackle this.
I was just started to find some info on the net about fractures in children when it went blackout. I tried to sleep but there were too many blood hungry female mosquitoes biting every part of my skin and there's a probability that some of those are transferring their infectious saliva into my blood stream. I covered my whole body under the blanket then it got too hot.
it's stressful as I just got back from hospital and want to spend the time as optimal as possible before going to spend the next day and night at the hospital again.
same thing happened two days ago when I was in the hospital. it was raining and suddenly, blackout. Normally the generator would be started to generate electricity for the whole hospital, but this time something went wrong as the electricity went on-off many times to the patients and their family members annoyance. The ward was totally dark. I also heard a doctor complaining how this has disturbed the operation that was going on during that time. Maybe this has not happened frequently but i think a place as important as a hospital just can't afford a power outage even a minute.
But as a foreigner in this country, i can't complain much as i afraid some people will take it wrongly as if I'm trying to find flaws and be critical of this country or that they will be offended.
so i silently hope that this problem will be gone and be the thing of the past soon.
i remember when i came here in 2006, some said this power problem would be over in 2006. then later 2011. well now as we are already in 2011 i really hope the authority or the government is not waiting for another year to act.
Medan as the biggest city in Sumatra island which is bigger than the Malay peninsular, need a continuous undisturbed electricity supply to grow. with the current growth of this city with its 5-star hotels and big malls, Medan can grow faster if the electricity problem is overcame.
Okay, it's already maghrib time in here, Azan is in the air calling people to pray and to achieve success. it's a total darkness in my house, so do my neighbours and many other people in this highly populated city. to people like me here all we can do is to pray for things to get better.
-->
I had been wanting to buy this book since it first released in around March 2011. I was in Sumatra Indonesia and hence couldn’t get the book which was not yet available here.
So, I was elated when finally able to buy this book during the almost 2 weeks-off I took from my clinical as a medical student at the teaching hospitals in Medan. The holiday was necessary as I had to settle some of the immigration stuffs and needed to go to the Indonesian embassy in KL. Since my temporary residence card expiry date falls on raya, I couldn't be more grateful.
But the buy of this book itself was quite an issue for me, personally as I'm coming from a low middle-class family in which money is use with extra care and only spend it when necessary.
And of course a books that costs me RM100 book is unnecessary. When my sisters found out that I bought this book, it since then continually became a point of validation of me not spending money wisely. And later associating me as someone who is immature, who can’t decide which is more important as later they also found out that I complained to my parents that I don’t even have any underwear to wear anymore. Though having none was merely an intended exaggeration, I truly needed a shopping as the last one I did was 5 years ago paid by my sister. Hence, needing a few new pants, I tried to get some sympathy from my parents and that explains the exaggeration. It finally paid off when my dad gave me a few bucks of money and I did the much needed shopping. So the immature part is simply when I chose to buy the book instead of the clothes.
Unexpectedly the MARA loan which normally gets in the bank account at the end of each month wasn’t there by the time when I was already in Malaysia. Having to pay for the visa, I borrowed some money from a friend. And my sister too, I thought wanting to help, handed me RM100. I used the extra money that I had borrowed to buy this book.
I was so eager to read this book that as soon as I bought this book at Konikuniya KLCC, I sat on a bench outside the shop and started reading and finished a few chapters. The book is really good. I love memoir in general and this book, having written by one of the best Malaysian leader made it even more interesting.
I read it during the busy raya holiday. And when I was back in Medan to continue my duty as co-assistant here, I couldn’t read much as I was too busy, especially week 9 in surgery department. Finally on the last day in surgery, that Saturday night I finished reading this book. And it was 3 a.m. I found the last paragraph was quite sad.
I love every chapter of this book. Dr Mahathir is really somebody who deserves all the praises given to him. The unusual ways he took to face the financial crisis and the visions he has for the future Malaysia is outstanding. Even though he mostly discussed serious national matters (compare to a more personal in others) in his memoir, I sometimes find myself smiling or even laughing to it. I don’t know whether this is appropriate or not as I think reading this book is more entertaining than watching a movie during free times. The movie I played in my computer always playing itself alone without getting any attention from me when I have this book in my hand.
The book tells a story of Mahathir in his early life, how he sees his Malay communities, the colonies, the politics and also his study in medical college. I find this is very interesting especially when he said that he was really scared of dead bodies in his early years as me too actually have the same problem.
There are 62 chapters in this 843-page book. The ex-premier touched on a variety of issue that really shows how careful and wisely he handled each one of them. Being a medical student he admits he lacked some knowledge on economy or law but he glad he wasn’t an expert on these subject which makes him not aligned or subject to general expert believes and see the whole thing from more clearly and unattached view. I also glad when he explains on the financial crisis, why he thinks it happened and what measures actually taken by Malaysian government then to overcome it.
His dislike for the western developed country is quite clear and I quickly understand why as I read. His personal life is not much written in the memoir but I am really satisfied with his take on everything else such as on physical projects which he thinks are important infrastructures to build a modern Malaysia. His account to every issue such as the sacking of his deputy or other issues also clearly explained from his point of view.
Somebody responded to my tweet on twitter by suggesting me to read the maverick mahathir written by an Australian. But I don’t think m gonna read it as m not interested in finding somebody’s flaws. The writer also is not really someone who has contributed to our country (at least not to my knowledge) so I don’t think he deserve my attention to read his work.
I also hope other leaders in Malaysia such as Anwar Ibrahim, Nik Aziz or Tun Abdullah to also write their memoirs too as I want to see things from their perspectives and to learn something from it and from their life.
Having finished reading this book, I totally not regretting buying it in the first place. It’s totally worth it. A must read to all Malaysians and everyone.
this post has been written 1 week ago before being posted here.
it's 2.30am and I'm on a night shift duty as a co-assistant in surgery dept. it's my turn to receive a surgery patient, and my other friends are all asleep as they're done with their patients. I've been waiting since midnight and it seems like no surgery patients coming yet, the ones that come mostly medicine patients.
so here I am writing in my 'batik' book (as it has a Javanese batik motive as cover) that normally I used to jot down notes during meeting or bed-side teaching or ward round. now, being abnormal, I wanna write a bit about my parents visit last week and later post it in my blog.
my brother's message in facebook a months ago really taken me by surprise. he who is now in UK told me that he's buying flight tickets for my parents to come visit me here, in medan Indonesia, for the first time since I started studying here more than 4 years ago.
they scheduled to arrive in here at 1.20pm on saturday 16th July. as i was in my final day in anaesthesiology, I supposed to sit for post-test and not gonna be able to pick them at the airport. but I was glad when a friend, Afiq said he can do that for me. so the night before, i made a sign using a cardboard with my parents names on it so that my parents will notice that afiq is waiting for them. Syaf also later agreed to go with him. I was so glad for their willingness to this. on saturday i finished my exam early, so we all went to the medan's polonia airport together. as there were many people coming out of the arrival gate, i asked my friends to guess as which ones are my parents. Afiq has made quite a number of wrong guesses while Syaf, being very careful, got the 1 guess correct. ten marks for him!
we took my parents to ayam penyet and it seemed like the food were tad too spicy especially to my mother. then we took them to our house as my parents were just gonna stay in my room. my mother quite alarmed by the number of cats I have at my house haha. though she doesn't like cats, she tolerated with the cats well. as long as the cats not going too far haha.
few hours later we started our long journey to lake toba. the journey which normally takes 4 and a half hour took us almost six hours. no thanks to the massive congestion on the way there as there was a bridge being build somewhere along the way and no proper temporary road or lencongan was made.
we stayed in Siantar hotel in Prapat and we could see a breathtaking night view of lake toba and feel the breeze through the windows. as it was already late, my parents went to bed while me, syaf, afiq and also ridzuan went out and enjoyed the refreshing lake night breeze. Ridzuan and syaf were busy taking photos of danau toba using their expensive DSLR camera. haha
it's already quite late when i woke up on the sunday morning, syaf and ridzuan already awake with their camera on tripod near to the window, taking the sun rise view I guess.
we decided to bathe at the beach for 1 hour before going to samosir island. yes, toba lake is so big that it has beaches at it's side. 1st we went to the lake-bathing place we'd been to few years ago but unfortunately it was closed. there was only i public bathing place opened nearby but it was super crowded that made it impossible for us to bathe. so we went to samosir island right away.
Lake toba is one of the most beautiful place that I've been to, but sad to say that the management of the place is quite disappointing.
Even the ferry we boarded took longer than it supposed to to samosir island, the boat went around near the prapat hotels, the same place again and again looking for more passagers. suach a waste of time. and it moved so freakngly slow that it took 1 hour toreach tomok in samosir island. and we were given only 1 hour to shop in tomok, off course we 9or my mother to be specific) needed more than that.making a long stody short, we missed the ferry to go back to prapat. haha.
and on the road way back to medan, it was jammed again. it makes me wondering why can't they build a better road to such a high-potential place for tourism.
on monday i could not hang out with my parents as i was in my first day in surgery dept. spending all day in hospital and only be back at home at around ten o'clock.
uckily dearest friend, tipz voluntereed to take my parents to a pajak ikan, a famous shopping heaven for kain telekung and other txtile products. not only she brought my parents there, she also spent her time with them untill nght. shopping with tips would be the most wanted experience for everybody as she knows how to get the best stuffs with the best deal. haha. she also made my parents tasted several local delight like bakso, pempek palembang & others.
and in the morning before i left for the hospital on the same day, i bought the famous lontong and nasi gurih for my parents to taste the indonesian breakfast. alo bought a few risol, a cylinder shape kuih with raw chili in it! be carefull if u're to try it later!
i came back home at ten, and fauzan suggested that we borrow hanim's car and take my parents out for the medan night sightseeing. so that night we went to the majestic raya mosque, and also to the Maimum palac,the only remains of the melayu deli sultanate which now has perished.
we had supper at warung pak Im by the roadside in Pringgan (the place for cheap malaysia's teh tarik) and before heading back, my parents wanted to see the adam malik hospital the place where i'm doing my clinical.
we reached home at 2am and we only had 2 more hours before going to the airport. at 5 am my parents went inside the airport leaving me in medan, homesick than ever.
my parents visit was okay i think. and i wish they stayed longer as there are still many places they haven't been to, food they haven't tried and most of all, i wish we had more money to spend on. haha!
and 1 thing I can say when looking back into this, I am so glad and touched with the help of my beloved friends who have helped me a lot in many possible ways.
I'm going to blog about why I’m boycotting mcD and why you too should do the same.
I’ve been boycotting mcD for 1 month and this is my second attempt. The first time I boycotted mcD because during that time there was an intensive campaign in Malaysia urging everyone to do that, even our beloved ex-Pm Tun Dr Mahathir asking us to boycott the states products. But I wasn’t consistent and as time flew I gave up and started eating again as the campaigns slowed down and finally not heard-of anymore.
I admit this is not something easy to do because I love mcD so much. I used to eat mcD burgers or fries or ice cream at least once in two days. But now I’m starting to do this again, boycotting them. Because I think this is the least I can do to help our brothers in Palestine.
Quoting as what written in Vivapalestina, according to website of the Jewish United Fund of Metropolitan Chicago, McDonald's Corporation is a major corporate partner of the Jewish United Fund(JUF). JUF "works to maintain American military, economic and diplomatic support for Israel; monitors and, when necessary, responds to counter negative media coverage of Israel".
In the site also said: It provides financial aid annually to help the development of Kiryat Gat and to promote further illegal settlements there. This city is built on stolen Palestinian land - the lands of the villages of Iraq al Manshiya and Al-Faluja whose residents were ethnically cleansed in 1949 in contravention of International Law.
Reading this makes me decide to not buying mcD food again. I don’t want to contribute even one cent to a company that clearly has violated international law and human right. Imagine if it is our land that was taken.
This is not easy. I have been trying to do this for the past several months. I think I have to do this. Just for once.
Me and my girlfriend, we broke-up.
Phew. There I said it. It is very embarrassing, because many of my posts in this blog are about her. I blogged when I met someone I think “I kinda like”, I blogged when we became boyfriend and girlfriend, and the last one I wrote about how a couple in relationship should be together for the rest of time, to stay in the relationship even when the excitement slowly disappears and that love build to last forever. Now it hit me back right in the face.
Serve me right. Some things are easier said than done.
The decision to break up was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. Sheis someone I promised myself the only one I will marry. And honestly I was still in love with her when I reluctantly decided to end the relationship.
Now, after almost 4 months since we broke up, I still unable to totally get over it. It affects me quite badly, consumes lots of energy, time and attention. But a decision has to be made even though it hurts when it’s for the best.
Talking about this makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. For the reason why we break-up, I don’t think I should announce it here in this blog. But all I want to say is that, when in love, you want to make the person you love, happy. But one thing I’m sure you shouldn’t ignore is your own happiness. You should be happy too or else it’s not going to work.
Now I’m not looking forward to be in any relationship anymore, or just yet. I will concentrate on my study and help my family financially first.
After haven't posted anything in this blog for some time, here I am posting something. hehe
I'm just gonna write about two books that I read recently, amid busy schedule and studying. really? hehe also busy watching movies and series.
I've just done reading a novel by John Grisham which I bought few days ago at The Times bookstore here in Medan. It's the only bookstore here that sells English books. other bookstores only sell translated ones.
I'm not really a fan of John Grisham's books because his books mostly about law and justice which I have little interest. but a few days ago I bought one titled Theodore Boone, because it lseems not too complicated. The synopsis says, it's about a 5 year-old boy whose parents are lawyers, knows about a 'faceless' witness in a murder trial.
The book turned out to be awesome. I love it. I really enjoyed reading it and the story is not that heavy. and it is like what book-critics always said, totally a page turner!
The other book that I've read is I am number four which is now a movie playing in theatres worldwide. unfortunately the movie is still not playing in here, not sure when exactly they gonna play it. really anticipating this movie.
